21. Reflect & Set intentions for 2023

Download the accompanying .pdf of questions HERE

For a version with added 'brown noise' to aid concentration, email Louisa HERE

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Episode summary:
This Episode is all about Reflecting on the year that was 2022, and setting intentions for 2023. I take you through a 9 step reflection process, to gain clarity and connection for your year ahead. Set aside an hour to quiet the noise and get in touch with your true wishes for a year of self becoming.

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The Unmasking Unschool Podcast (formerly: sensory siblings) is brought to you by Louisa Shaeri, beaming from The SOLA System; the liberatory framework and unmasking unschool for late-identified autistic+ folks seeking a new way to see, know and be yourself, beyond the paradigm of pathology, and the confines of normativity. Unmask, unravel the false ideas of who you are and emerge from systemic invisibility into the light of your full self.
Learn more at  solasystems.xyz

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Transcript:

0:00
Hi siblings, you may have noticed some changes around here, which is that I changed the name of the podcast to the unmasking unschool podcast. 'Sensory siblings', while I love it, was confusing a few people around like, oh, is this about kids who are siblings? Now it's not. It's a gender expansive term for saying that we're all in this together, we're all connecting over our experiences of being people who think and process thought with the sensory. So listen, we're still sensory siblings, but what are we gathering for? What are you tuning in for? It's really about a gathering for the mutual mutually affirming, visibility increasing systemically eclipse potential activating, and nurturing of the emergent cells and futures within right. So a shorthand for that, in the culture at large is unmasking. I just want to be myself, but the self is made possible by unlearning, right. And, you know, if you've listened to several of the podcasts that the tunnel have on this idea of unlearning, as the kind of releasing of old selves, the layers of the onion, peeling off the old skin, and so on. But also self is not something that you be by thinking about yourself, or that self is this fixed, consistent thing, or by focusing on how you're behaving or, and also self is not something you do, alone, or you experience in a vacuum. And so even though unmasking for me, and how I offer it to you, it's really happening first in your relationship to yourself. It's also more and more affirmed by and made possible by the unlearning of what didn't work, what it wasn't life giving an affirming what didn't reflect you accurately back, which is those structures that were moved through, that we are assessed through that we are compared with, that are kind of one size fits all, or industrial, or are based on really limiting and narrow ideas of what it means to be human. And to have a self to think, to communicate, and so on. So it's really about seeing outside of that, and using the perspective that we have, as flying fish, right, as people who don't fit consensus reality, who find it rubs us the wrong way who can't fit easily within it, right, we have to come up for air, we have to jump out of that and got some air before we dive back in. It's really using that perspective that we have, that this isn't the only option that this isn't the only reality to imagine beyond it. And to really move our energy and director energy towards moving beyond it right. And into ways of structuring and organising our ideas, our thoughts, our lives, our work, our vocation, the things that bring us joy, our relationships, and so on, to actually reflect the things that are the instincts, right? The intuitions, the insights that emerge from within us that are not ideal ideas and ideologies and expectations that are imposed upon us. And for me, this is not limited to what you might call autistic advocacy, or neurodiversity, right. This is much more human frontier, of undoing the impacts of reductive, normative, limited hierarchical ideas of the human. And the splits and hierarchies that those make that then create these internal disconnects and internal hierarchies. So a big part of this is is this unlearning. But I also wanted to have that hook on the unmasking as an idea that comes to many of us who come to this idea of being autistic later in life. And it's like, okay, well, now I have this new information. But how do I actually follow through on that? How do I start being more of myself? How do I stop pretending This all works for me. So, unmasking unschool it is this idea of okay, one contribution to change in the world that you can make. That is that, that transforms not only your own life and your own sense of self, but helps to dismantle the things that impact. Anyone who really struggles with hierarchies, and inequities, and so on and injustice is to, for you to accept and start living according to your inner truth, right to the tendencies that you naturally have, some of which are assigned the status of autistic. And it just so happens that this idea of being autistic is an interest of mine, that's it's really been born out of the artistic imagination that I developed, of trying to give language to parts of myself that didn't feel reflected parts of the way that I saw things. And I experienced things that were to me more like music that were to me more like patterns and emotions that were joined with the sensory and the whole world of sensations with which I think with that doesn't have tools that isn't so much acknowledged. And so that's my part to play in this. That's my why is, there's so much more to this, then the idea of autism offers. And there's so much more to reframing all of those experiences than just like, Oh, now I know who I am. And I'm going to tell people, I'm going to get reasonable adjustments. To me, there's, there's a depth of an A potency, to the ways that you naturally do things. That is like an it's like a design impetus. It's like an invitation, it's a call out to, hey, there are other ways of thinking of seeing of doing, of sensing of knowing and of creating. And so by naming this unmasking, unschool, and having this kind of double negative, I'm really pointing to everything that has been systemically eclipsed everything that could be everything that is outside everything that is beyond what is so that we can grow that.

7:43
Okay, so I'll see how it goes. I noticed a pattern where I do about 20 episodes, or I've done this before, right? In 2020. I started a podcast, it was called the Solar System podcast, I got 20 episodes, and then I wanted to change everything. And hello, I've got 20 episodes, and I want to change everything. But rather than throw the whole thing out, I'm just changing the name and maybe the look. And there might still be changes ahead. And I'm very much of the thinking that trying things out in the real is how you then know how you feel about it. So I need to try this to know how I feel about it. Alright, so intro over, let's get into the episode. Hey, sibling, welcome to the unmasking unschool podcast. I'm your host, Louisa Shaeri, aka sola flare. We are all solar flares defying the gravity of groupthink beaming frequencies that disrupt the airwaves and in this podcast, I share perspectives and reframes from the solar system, a liberate re framework for creative artistic folks who are seeking another way to see know and be yourself, you are not here to fit in. And the radical reimagining of how to honour all of who you're here to be begins within. So in the spirit of changes of newness of the new moon in Aquarius, I wanted to share an exercise with you a kind of container for for doing some deep dive reflections on your own experience of your own life. How does it feel to you is it working and what do you want to change last month in the Solar System programme? So the online which is an unmasking unschool my online programme the Solar System Plus siblings. We did a workshop at the December solstice and I took the siblings who are in that through a workshop for reflecting on the year that was 2022 and setting intentions for 2023 I love Doing both together in one sitting. Because you can immediately apply your reflections of your past and your recent experiences, to then look forward. So it's like taking the immediate data and then making tweaks and shifts. And really, this is about taking control of the year ahead, based on your current reality, right. And it's important to do this, because when you don't know what you want, and when you don't know why you want what you want, then it becomes really easy to collect up and be swayed by other people's agendas for you, right bid advertising, or people in your past, or images on social media, or what other people think is right or good, or the default of repeating your past your past self, which may have also been influenced by people around you, what they wanted for you, and so on. And so when we don't be really intentional about what am I doing, why am I here? What is it that I want? And why do I want it and how am I going to go about getting it or making it reality, then we can very easily be pulled into what other people think and want and value, and also what they want from us or their agendas. So in claiming all of those things, what you want, why you get to have a much it shapes your perceptions, right? It gives purpose to what you're doing. But it also works as a filter on how you're assessing everything. And interpreting everything according to what you've already decided and intended rather than just kind of flailing in the wind. So it sharpens your boundaries, it sharpens your sense of who and what you have time for or not. And knowing what you want, and why become these kind of clarifying perspectives that allow you to feel like you are grounded and rooted in your own integrity. So even though you may sway in the wind a bit and be influenced, your feet are firmly planted, right, you're growing according to where you've decided that you want to put your energy and nurture what you want to nurture what you want to grow. So in the solar system, this is a big focus of the second half of the six month initial journey through the solar system, the first three months are really loop through it, The nine planets, you learn the core core tools, you map it out, you start having breakthroughs, you start learning how to self Coach, how to receive coaching, and all of that gives you all of this sense that okay, so much more is possible. And you're starting to experience it in your nervous system. But then after that, it's very quickly for me about getting siblings to set their sights on. Okay, well, what would I be doing? How would I be living if it really were up to me, because it really is up to us, like, literally, there is nothing you have to do. And immediately your brain will be like No, but I have to do this for work, or I had to do this. Or if you go right back to actually I'm alive. It's my birthright to decide any of what I do. And then to then assess the consequences, and then assess all of the things that you could be doing, that you think you should be doing. From the lens of is this really what I want to be doing? And if not, what do I then need to do about it and, and really connecting with the power that you have to shape a life that actually fits you and reflects you. So we did this workshop, and it went down well, and in fact, we're going to have it as a regular thing that we do. But I also wanted to share this with you. And there are nine questions and I wanted to take you through the exact same questions. This version has music and it doesn't have the discussion. So in the workshop, we all shared some of the answers to the questions. And when you do that, it really gives you this sense of real

14:47
presence in this moment that we are all like writing or noting or voice notes, making voice notes around yet this is what I'm after. This is my why This is what I want. But yeah, I wanted to share this with you so that you get a taste, you get a flavour and that you get to do this as well. And so we did this on the December solstice. But really, you can do this anytime. And we are already way into January. But from an astrological point of view, there's been lots of Retrogrades, lots of planets that seemingly go backwards. So we've been very much looking at the past, there's been stuff to go and retrieve lessons to go and relearn things to really spend time with a bit longer, before moving forward. Where, at the time of recording this, everything is now going forward, all the planets are going forward, and they're going forward for several months. This is gogogo time. So if you're listening to this in the week that this podcast is coming out, it's good astrological timing, there's a gorgeous new moon in Aquarius. So take advantage plant seeds start new things, I encourage you to set aside an hour, or however long this podcast ends up being. And actually do this carve out the time, put some comfortable clothes on get like your favourite pen, and notebook or type it out if that works better for you. And to Yeah, just really make it an intimate time with yourself to reflect on the last year and then set intentions for the year ahead. I've also made two versions of this one with brown noise in the background, which for some of you is going to help you focus your mind and concentrate and then one without so try them both see what works best. And I'm going to take you through nine questions. And if you'd like a copy of the questions, or you want to do this with your own music instead, then you can download these questions as a PDF in the link at the very top of the show notes of this episode. So if you want to do that, do that now. And if you are listening to this while doing something else, or out and about, just consider how much more impact it's going to have if you really do this exercise when you are able to give it your entire focus, and be fully present with yourself as we go through these questions. All right, so let's dive in. And I'm going to imagine now that you are that you have pause this episode and that you've got yourself into a really safe, warm space that is conducive to deep self reflection. So before we get into the questions, I'm going to invite you to take three deep breaths in and out in through the nose. And fill up your belly full of breath, deep, full of breath, and then out through the mouth, just very gently blowing out through the mouth. And as you keep breathing, see if you can bring your attention to the present moment. So often our awareness, our thoughts, our consciousness is distributed and spread out over tomorrow yesterday what so and so said this happened, what I have to do, what might happen tomorrow, what's coming up. So just gather all of yourself up into the present moment and allow yourself to be here now.

19:16
And just really let yourself write or type and don't edit right, you can always come back and refine it or add to it. So just allow yourself to jot down whatever comes up for you. So note down all of the things that you are really proud of this year. What went really well and what you're grateful for. So what feels really good to look back on over the last 12 months. And you might want to track back to January, February March. What was going on for you then and What is different now that you're really happy about? And for some of you, you might just want to say I made it through, right I'm alive. Let's start with that I'm alive I'm breathing and I made it through another year and I'm proud of that?

24:58
Okay so finishing Question one can always come back and redo this. So question number two. This is about the challenges. What did you move through? Where did you have breakthroughs? What was hard? What was challenging? That maybe required your attention, right, that maybe taught you some things? Maybe some circumstances and situations happened to you or that or happened to for you that were difficult. So where did you have growth? Where did you have a breakthrough? Where were there some difficult challenges that you move through? Maybe some of you had some losses or had some financial difficulties or had some big changes that weren't expected. Right. So what did you move through? That was a challenge. And yet you did it? What was hard, and yet you made it through? And what did you learn?

32:01
Okay, question

32:01
three, what is incomplete, unfinished or unresolved? So what's lingering? What is something that was something that you've wanted to change? And you still haven't finished it right? You still haven't reached the thing that you've been working on. So what are some things that you want to keep working on, that aren't finished what still on your agenda going forward? It could be about your own growth, it could be about something that you're wanting to change. It could be goals that you're working on. It could be a dream that you've had, it could be some issues in a relationship that you want to resolve. What's incomplete? What are you not finished with? We don't have these like, years where we start things and we finished them. And it's all neatly tied up with a bow, right? So think of some things that are still bothering you on a regular basis. Things that maybe are a regular trigger, something that is a lifestyle change, maybe that you're wanting to have fun, you're still learning to implement. Maybe there's areas where you're wanting to make progress, but it's not quite a bit. It's not where you want it to be. And it could be some big changes, or it could be something light hearted. It could be that you've been wanting to redecorate your bedroom. And you just haven't done it yet. Or some area of self care where you're like, I didn't really follow through the way that I wanted to. This isn't quite where I want to say what's incomplete, unfinished or unresolved.

36:40
Okay, so question four, what do I want to remember this year for? So it might help to give me the year that was a name or word or consider maybe some experiences that you had some moments, some breakthroughs? Maybe those some memories that you have of the last year? What is it that you want to remember the year for?

38:21
All right, so this is where we start looking forward. So how do you want things to be different over the next year ahead, so in 2023, so it could be a lifestyle change, it could be some changes in your material circumstances, it could be that you just want to feel more confident, or you want some kind of internal shift. And it might be that you've identified some of that already, right. And it could be something in your emotional life, it could be that you're looking for a relationship, or more friendships, or to make some changes in your work life or take on a different role. or expand your income or do things that improve your health. So list as many as you can think of, and just get everything out, right? How do I want things to be different in 2023? What is going to change one way intentionally choosing to make an area of growth, I experienced 2022. Now, given that experience, what do I want? Do Differently? How do I want 2023 to be different? Maybe there is some sleep habits or internet consumption time, habits or eating habits or maybe there are some experiences that you didn't get to have that you do want to be having. Or maybe there's some things that you want to do again and you want to do more of it. So So how can things be different in 2023? What is it that you want to be different? And this is not about hating on 2022 right sometimes we think that we have to kind of burn bridges and that was rubbish and hate on the year that was or feel bad about it because we want something different but actually we can feel grateful for what was we can appreciate even the things that we didn't want or that were hard or that didn't work right because it gives us clarity to now know what we want moving Forward.

43:03
Okay question six, what do I want more of in 2023? So, it's a little bit like the last question, but we're really being specific on what if I already got that I want more of what do I want to increase? Where do I want expansion? Where do I want to put more focus and more energy into what do I value but I haven't been giving enough time and attention and energy to in my actions. What can I have more of that word? facilitate that? What could I change to create more of what I want in 2023

46:04
Question seven is what do I want less of? So really getting into the things that didn't work that you don't want so much of really identifying what those are right where am I going to withdraw energy? Why is actually not that important to me anymore? What do I want less of? What do I want to do? Less of It?

48:55
All right, question eight, you're ready. This is a big one. What are your intentions and goals for 2023? Or the year ahead? So choose your top three. Goals can be a big word, right? It can be a big scary like off putting. Who heard? So for some of you, it might feel better to start with what am I hopeful for? Like what would be really amazing if I could make that happen? What feels like a stretch, but isn't impossible. Be specific. What are the tangible things that you want to make happen so that when you've arrived, you know you've arrived right? So that you can measure it? So what are your top three? And why do you want them that why is this important to you? Why is this for you? Why do you want this to be your experience? Why do you want to focus on this one Why are you doing it? Like why are you going to give this to yourself? Why will this benefit you? How will it benefit you? And then why will it benefit the people around you? Why would it benefit the people in your life that are rooting for you? Right? Why would it be good for them as well? So why is this important? Why do I want these goals? Why am I hopeful for these things to happen? And why would they be a good thing in the world or in your Life?

53:03
And our final question is number nine, what are your top three desired feelings for 2023. So, feelings is a little bit different from emotions. Feelings is something that you can create with intention. And so knowing what you want this year to feel like can help you to know what might help you to actually experience that. So what are your top three desired feelings for the year ahead? Mine are calm. Disciplined is the new one for me and connected. And I'll share some of the siblings in the programme work things like calm, safe, joy, grounded, determined, confident. Excitement, love, sufficiency. So what are your top three feelings? Like how do you want the ear to feel? I'll give you some more examples that you can choose from if you're stuck, purposeful, or focused, powerful, creative, guided, fluent, sensual, expansive, trust, attuned ally aligned, rooted, worthy, self assured, playful, dedicated, ecstatic, Wise. Wonder. Care. Free, emergent, nurtured spacious, fierce. transformed, enriched, abundant, pression. Intuitive, wild, soulful, magnetic, healed, bold, brave. So hopefully there's some that feel good that you feel a spark. So choose three feelings that you intentionally want to start creating ways of feeling more of it over the year ahead. If you can think of more than three if you're not sure, try them on for a few days. Maybe you have five and you're like, Oh, they're also so good. See if you can reduce it to three and make those the focus.

57:13
So those are your nine questions to set up your year. My hope is this has really helped you to create a connection to your year ahead, that feels really clear. Right, that feels intentional. And then a final tip I will give you is decide on your next step. So what is one small clear step that you can take right now? That starts to give you momentum and go do it. Alright, I'm gonna finish there. I hope this has been helpful. And I will talk to you again soon. Bye. Thank you for listening to this week's unmasking unschool podcast. It means the world to me that you and I are in orbit. You can join my mailing list and receive other resources and insights and stories for your journey of self becoming. And if you're ready to go deeper into this work and you're looking for support, implement it all, and activate your future self. I want to invite you to join my six month online unmasking unschool it's called the SOLA System + Siblings you can unlearn the habits of self negating and hiding, create the worthiness, self clarity and self belief to then go and create culture shifts first in your relationship to yourself, and then rippling out into everything you do and beyond. Click the link in the show notes for all the info and I will see you in sight